“Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions.” Alfie Kohn

We want our kids to make good decisions—and sometimes we parents feel better about ourselves and our sense of control when we make those decisions for them. Let's build some long lasting qualities in our kids with this play therapy technique you can try at home: returning responsibility. Try it on and replace some common phrases (continue reading) with ones that support their decision making “muscles.”

Returning responsibility is a play therapy technique you can use at home. This approach shifts the parent from being the problem-solver, to enabling the child to solve their own problems. When we return responsibility, children learn to weigh options, consider outcomes, and make choices that reflect their values and desires.

What it Sounds Like—

"I wonder what you could do about this situation?"

"What would be the first step to solving this problem?"

"What's your plan?"

"How do you plan to stick with your plan?"

"Will anyone get hurt or upset by your choice?"

"What options do you have here?"

"That's something you can decide.”

Let's Retire these phrases—

"Make good choices."

"How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Be nice.”

"I'm not going to tell you again.”

"I expect you to do it the first time I tell you."