How Does Play Therapy Help My Child?

Lubbock Adolescent Counseling: Play Therapy for Teens and Tweens

Play therapy is an evidence based practice for children and adolescents and has many techniques for counselors to perform. (Bratton & Ray, 2000; Bratton, Ray, Rhine, & Jones, 2005; Gallo-Lopez & Shaefer, 2005; Roaten, 2011).

Working with a teen is very different than working with an adult client due to biological, developmental, and psychosocial tasks. Developmental tasks of teens include: physical maturation, sexual relationships, peer groups, emotional development, formal operations cognitive development, and identity development.

Because of the development of formal operational thought, preteens often vacillate between play that is more common to younger children and activities that appeal more to teenagers.

Play therapy can benefit preteens and teens struggling with depression, abuse, grief, addiction, adoption, ADHD, trauma, family stress, anxiety, relationships, problems with peers, identity, self-esteem, sensory processing issues, body image, anger issues, parent’s divorce, autism, etc.

Rather than teens doing therapy, they EXPERIENCE therapy. It is an opportunity to safely distance the self from problems through activity, creativity and imagination. Using a teen’s interests through play, sandtray figures, and expressive techniques will stimulate the teenager's desire and need to be expressive and create identity--which is central to this developmental stage. The positive therapeutic relationship that develops between a teenager and a counselor brings healing, forward movement, and relief of emotional stress. 

Expressive arts are a great tool to address new thoughts and feelings or communicate and rework perspective. It can include art, music, or movement such as yoga or dance.

Games and activities can be used to deal with anxiety, power and control issues, self-esteem, relationships and difficult behaviors. 

Sandtray invites adolescents to explore the uncertain world between childhood and adulthood and to explore the internal world and subconscious in a creative way by choosing miniature figures to place in a tray of sand. Sandtray allows clients to become mindful and allows clients the opportunity to blend memories, fantasies, wishes, and emotions without verbal constraints. (Rae, 2013)

““Appropriately structured creative art activities provide preteens with opportunities to change perceptions about self, others, and the world as they try out new roles and solutions...Furthermore, [they] facilitate a process of self-development, providing the preadolescent with the inner resources to cope with future difficulties.”
”

— — Bratton & Ferebee

Group therapy is quite effective for making friends, improving communication skills and learning coping skills from peers who experience similar challenges. When the opportunity is available to pair 2 or 3 preteens or teens, group activity therapy can be beneficial.

Trained play therapists can use play therapy with tweens and teens to

• Informally assess a client’s psychosocial and psychological functioning

• Build rapport

• Explore and facilitate expression a client’s inner world and emotions

• Build skills through psychoeducation

• Develop mastery, identity, and empowerment

• Relieve a client of stress
  

Lubbock Child Counseling: What is Play Therapy and How does it Work?

What is Play Therapy? What is Activity Therapy?

Play Therapy is to kids what counseling or talk therapy is to adults. Children use play as their natural language and the toys are their words. Play therapy allows a child to change the way they think about, feel toward, and resolve their concerns.  

For older kids and teens, the counselor will use activities, games, arts, crafts, and sand tray therapy to provide a non threatening means of communication. The activities are selected to help meet treatment goals, although the client is free to carry out the activity or interpret the activity in a way that best fits his/her needs and interests.

Why Play Therapy?

Play Therapy is effective for a wide variety of problems or concerns that affect or will affect the way a child functions at home, at school, or in the community. Child counselors can be and should be specially trained to strategically use play and specific toys to address a child's needs when the child does not have the verbal language to express their thoughts and feelings. The positive relationship between a therapist and child during play therapy can provide an experience that promotes well being and leads to emotional healing.

Play therapy demonstrates significant effectiveness for children and behavioral and emotional challenges. You may read more about play therapy as a successful evidence based practice here.

Who Can Benefit from Play Therapy?

Play Therapy is especially appropriate for kids ages 3-12. For older kids and teens, play provides a safe distance from problems and allows expression of thoughts and feelings. Play techniques for older kids and teens include sand tray therapy, expressive arts (painting, drawing, creating, sculpting, acting, singing), or activity therapy (constructing, building, balls, games, etc.)

What can play therapy do for my child?

Develop responsibility for behaviors

Develop problem solving skills

Learn to communicate with others

Develop respect and acceptance of self and others

Stimulate creative thinking and exploration

Express emotion 

Relieve stress

Cultivate empathy

Enhance social skills

Develop assuredness about personal abilities

How long does my child need play therapy?

Each child comes at his/her own pace and with his/her own needs. Therefore, the length of counseling varies.  Once the therapist attends an initial parent consultation with the parent/caregiver and it is established that the child will begin play therapy, the child needs sufficient time to develop a trusting and warm therapeutic relationship with the therapist in order to feel safe enough to express to the therapist through toys, sand, or expressive arts, his/her child's world view and perceptions of experiences. The amount of sessions a child attends may range from 4-12+ sessions.

What is the process?

Parent Consultations

During the initial parent consultation (without the child), the parent will have the opportunity to share concerns and background information about the child. The counselor will explain the therapy/counseling process and procedures and will provide a few forms to sign.

Parent consultations (again without the child) will continue every 4th session. These consultations allow the counselor to address the parent's concerns, allow parents to have a better understanding of the child, allow the therapist to share information about the child without breaking confidentiality, and allow both the counselor and parent to communicate progress. It’s a wonderful opportunity to collaborate with parents/caregivers in their efforts to support their child.

Play Therapy Sessions

These sessions are typically 45 minutes in length and may include play therapy, expressive arts, sand tray therapy, or activity therapy in a designated Playroom. The duration of counseling varies from child to child. Individual play therapy sessions include one child and the counselor. Group play therapy sessions include 2-3 children and the counselor.

The Association for Play Therapy outlines the stages of play therapy which helps inform parents of what to expect and guides play therapists during the process. You may read about them here.

What is a Registered Play Therapist?

An RPT is a licensed mental health professional specifically trained in employing the therapeutic power of play. We have extensive training and supervision in play therapy and child development, plus we are already licensed mental health therapists! We receive our RPT credentialing from the Association for Play Therapy (www.a4pt.org).

How does Play Therapy Work?

A Child Centered Play Therapist doesn’t suggest that clients play with a certain toy or work on a presenting problem. Instead, play therapists offer warmth, empathy and a gentle structure for clients to make their own meaning through the exploration and play they chose to engage in. Play reveals a child’s internal emotional world. Children have a unique voice in the playroom which doesn’t always include words. Roughly 70 percent of a play therapist’s work is nonverbal and 30 percent is verbal. When play therapy practitioners do speak, it is typically to offer reflection and encouragement on the play they are observing or to offer guidance such as setting limits.

Skilled play therapists can recognize play themes that reflect the child’s emotional needs and use them to help process their concerns. Play therapists respond to play themes, often saying back to the child what she is doing. Children appropriately interpret this as permission to continue, and delve deeper. It also promotes emotion regulation and mindfulness as the therapist attunes to the child, attends to the present, and pairs language with actions, thoughts, and feelings to facilitate integration.

Even though the reason that brought the child to therapy may not be that specific scenario, a skilled therapist uses this a child’s play to address underlying feelings such as helplessness, fear, or anger. As their play moves through specific stages, emotions become less overwhelming, and many families note that behavior outside of the sessions improves.

Promote Connection with Your Child

According to Dr. John Gottman (who by the way has 40 YEARS of research), people make attempts to get attention, affection, or acceptance. It is a bid for emotional connection. “Will you play with me?” is an obvious bid, but not all bids are so clear. They can be verbal or nonverbal. How we respond to our child’s bids has a great impact on our connectedness with our child and how they learn to connect with others. Bids can be positive (turning toward), negative (turning away), and no response (turning away). By giving a positive, loving response to the bid no matter what form it comes in, can fill your child’s emotional bank. Here are 25 ways to promote connection with your child:

1. Look your child in the eyes when they are talking. Be attentive.

2. Verbally acknowledge all feelings. “You’re disappointed it worked out that way.” “You’re angry she took that from you.” “You’re feeling lonely and want my attention.”

3. Listen to hear your child

4. Connect before correct. Come with intention, listening, and patience.

5. Ask them about their favorite things.

6. Notice something new/different about them.

7. Give a ‘yes’ answer. “Yes, I would love to. Give me about 5 minutes to finish this up.” “Yes we can schedule that after this…”

8. Use “How come?” instead of “Why”

9. Be fun and act silly

10. Be ready for mistakes and brush them off

11. Show affection (hug, high five, cuddles, shoulder squeeze, written note, loving text message)

12. Put away distractions

13. Be concerned about what they are concerned with—even if it seems trivial

14. Say “yes” to play

15. Greet with enthusiasm- in the morning, after school, or after any extended separation.

16. Give a 30 second burst of attention. Pause what you’re doing and give 30 seconds of undivided attention.

17. Laugh about things at the same time

18. Tell a story about your child

19. Look at family photos together

20. Watch their favorite show or movie

21. Create Something together

22. Spend extra time at bedtime

23. Say something you love about them

24. Go for a walk

25. Listen to music together in the car

Communication and Connection With Our Kids

We as adults often wonder how to best communicate with the tiny humans in our lives, whether they are our own children, nieces or nephews, our best friend's kiddos, or the kids we work with on a daily basis. Each child communicates in a way that works best for themselves and how they are developing and it can be difficult to understand what they are needing or wanting from you as an adult. Being able to communicate effectively with the tiny humans in our lives is essential to them feeling heard and understood. 

The book, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, is a helpful tool to understanding the intricacies of childhood communication. It also contains helpful and amusing cartoons that show healthy and effective communication styles. In this article, I will review and highlight some important pointers from the book that may help you understand and communicate more effectively with the tiny humans in your life. 

The first thing the book talks about is helping children deal with their feelings. Feelings are part of everybody's everyday life and it shouldn't come as any surprise to know that children experience emotions just like we do. They are going through a whole new experience in life: constantly changing, growing, and developing. These new experiences can be really exciting but often also really overwhelming. One of the authors writes, "steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids". When learning to communicate with children, it is essential to listen to what they are feeling. 

Our authors suggest four tips on helping with feelings and they include: 

1. Listen with full attention 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word: "oh, I see, mmhmm" 3. Give their feelings a name: "you're feeling angry", "you're feeling sad" 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy: "you wish you could go take a nap right now because you're so sleepy" 

While, given certain situations, these tips may not be easily employed, they may be a good place to start. 

Another topic the book talks about is engaging cooperation. Sometimes, it can feel useless asking or telling your child to do something you want them to do. You try every means of communication you know and they still don't listen or obey. So how do we get our kiddos to listen to us and cooperate with what we are trying to say? 

Faber and Mazlish list some tips here to help engage cooperation: 

1. Describe what you see or describe the problem: "the light is on in the bathroom" 2. Give information: "walls are not for writing on, paper is for writing on" 3. Say it with a word: "Jill, your lunch!" (in this instance, less is more) 4. Talk about your feelings: "I feel so frustrated when I start to say something and can't finish." 5. Write a note: written on the bathroom mirror "Help! Hairs in my drain give me a pain!" 

Engaging with the children in your life at any age allows them to feel heard and gives them the space to learn how to work with you. 

Learning these and other communication tips can be helpful in understanding your children and working with them in a healthier manner. Every child desires to be heard and every adult wants to be able to understand them. If you are a parent or an adult who works with or interacts with children regularly, you might find books such as this one helpful in communicating! 

The women who wrote this book also wrote one on interactions with teens called How To Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk. A lot of the same communication skills are written about but from the perspective of talking to teenagers. 

Reference: Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (1999). How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk:with a new afterword: "the next generation" by Joanna Faber. New York: Scribner.

By: Katy McAlpine, MEd, LPC-Intern

(Under the Superivision of Kelly Martin, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S

As seen in Lubbock Lifestyles Magazine

Read how the Playroom Lubbock began.

Find us, starting on Page 122.

How to Handle Hitting and Biting

There is a message in the misbehavior of hitting and biting. It's normal for toddlers and preschoolers to have difficulty managing big feelings and impulses. Often times we misinterpret a child's aggression as being intentional or an attempt to manipulate. Instead, look at aggression as your child's way of communicating. Our young people are still developing vocabulary and do not have the skills to sophisticatedly express overwhelming feelings. Hitting and biting can be a child's way of saying "I need space!" or "I'm jealous that you are playing with that!" or "I want to make my own choices!" Biting may also be an attempt for a child to experiment and test his body's capabilities.

Here are ways to offer your support for your child's emotional development when he or she is hitting or biting.

1. React calmly. When you witness or hear about your child hitting or biting, your first reaction may be tensing your body, heart racing, or your face feeling hot. Breathe and exhale and gently move your child away from the situation. Attend to the child who was hurt with empathy and tenderness.

2. Prepare. Watch your child carefully and take mental notes of things that seem to make your child feel stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, or sad. Look for patterns such as in transitions, time of day, and other triggers such as overstimulation. Frequent biting in toddlers and older children can often be related to sensory processing issues and an attempt to receive oral stimulation.

3. Use empathy. Use feeling words to build your child's emotional vocabulary. "You're so disappointed that it's time to go!"

4. Set the limit and teach. "You wanted a turn on the slide. Your hands are not for hitting. Next time you can say, Can I have a turn please?" or "No biting-biting hurts! Teeth are for food!"

5. Redirect: Sometimes our children need our support to make a healthy choice. It may mean gently intervening mid-swing at another child. Try using humor and being light hearted "Woah, we're not painting on people today silly, only paper!" Find an alternative for a child to bite when she feels the urge: chewies, ice, biting blanket.

6. Repair. Many natural reactions are to follow up with punishment, but instead, use this time for connection and learning. Give a hug. Sit quietly for a few minutes. Evaluate your child's needs: hungry? tired? Once your child is calm, talk about what happened by putting feeling words into the situation. Forced apologies are meaningless. Build empathy in your child by asking him or her what might make the hurt child feel better.

7. Use connection. If you feel your child is acting aggressively for attention or connection, give him lots of undivided attention throughout the day. Read a book, draw together, allow your child to help with simple tasks, create special moments together.

8. Consider speech and language milestones. Often times a child feels frustration in communication. Is your child meeting his milestones in speech and language?

9. Repeat: Spending time helping your child build the skills and vocabulary is time well spent. Healthy habits may take time to develop.

(Tips compiled from imperfectfamilies.com; Ages and Stages in Parents magazine).

For Parents: What is Play Therapy?

1. All children adjust to challenges; some need extra help to adjust or cope.

2. Because of the nature of development, children more easily communicate and express how they feel through play, not as much through words.

3. Play therapy provides toys and materials so that children can communicate what they cannot say in words.

4. The play therapist creates a safe relationship through and connection through non verbals and through verbal responses. These therapeutic responses are crafted to reflect a child’s feelings, facilitate their decision making and creativity, to encourage, to set limits, and to enlarge the meaning of a child’s metaphors through play.

5. Children recreate in play the life experiences that are part of their challenges.

6. Releasing feelings with a safe, caring, understanding adult helps children feel better.

7. Children’s play evolves until they gain understanding/comfort over their conflicts/worries.

8. Children learn to express themselves in positive ways, to control their behavior, to make decisions, and to act responsibly.

9. They change their personal view of life events, enjoy their interactions with others and feel increased self esteem.

10. Parents meet often with the therapist to express concerns, talk about their child’s behavior at home/school, and receive feedback.

11. Parents may be asked to join the play sessions and will be given guidance as to how to help the child or respond to the child.

12. Children need some degree of privacy regarding what occurs in therapy.

13. There is a possibility that challenges may “get worse before it gets better”; this is not unusual nor does it mean the therapy is not going to be effective.

(*not an actual client pictured with Kelly above)

Why an LPC Intern Could Be the Right Choice for Me

What is an LPC Intern?

A Licensed Professional Counselor Intern is a counselor who possesses at least a Master’s degree in counseling and has successfully passed their licensing exam (National Counselor Exam). The Texas State Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors has accepted their application for a temporary license. The requirements for LPC Interns are then to complete 3,000 hours of counseling/clinical hours under the supervision of a state licensed LPC Supervisor. LPC Supervisors are not necessarily in session with LPC Interns and clients, but are required to meet with LPC Interns at least 4 hours a month.

What Kind of Experience Does an LPC Intern have?

While in graduate school, students are required to complete field experience in counseling. Most students do more than the 300 experience hours required. Some interns have experience in specialized areas during their practica.

What does Supervision involve?

The purpose of supervision is to promote the development of the Intern’s clinical skills and to provide guidance and professional development to the Intern. The full responsibility for counseling activities of LPC Intern rests fully with the supervisor. The Supervisor also ensures that the Intern remains in full compliance with the rules of the Texas State Baord of Examiners of Professional Counselors. Supervision involves mentoring, evaluation, and case consultation.

Why work with an LPC Intern?

Interns cannot own an independent practice and tend to have a lower “private pay” rate than fully licensed LPCs. Interns can provide therapy for issues that many insurance companies will not cover. Additionally, when one is receiving services from an Intern, he or she is getting the benefit of having 2 clinicians with their skill sets and expertises. Essentially, one receiving treatment from an LPC Intern gains the benefit of not just that person’s knowledge, experience, and expertise, but also that of the intern supervisor’s.

Connecting With Your Child Through Play

“Play can be the long-sought bridge back to that deep emotional bond between parent and child.  Play, with all its exuberance and delighted togetherness, can ease the stress of parenting. Playful parenting is a way to enter a child’s world, on the child’s terms, in order to foster closeness, confidence, and connection.”

— Lawrence Cohen

Children need to play. It’s their work and way of learning skills, making sense out of their world, and processing their emotions. Children release complicated emotions through play. Laughter specifically reduces stress hormones and increases bonding hormones. Laughter can quickly restore an affectionate connection between adult and child. Play helps parents and kids feel closer, helps kids learn lessons better, and increases cooperation.

Connecting with your child through play can be as little as 2 minutes or as long as 10-20 minutes. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

1.     Play hide and seek

2.     Hold your child in your arms and dance

3.     Play a tunnel activity (similar to London Bridge)

4.     Give a pillow ride (sit on a big floor pillow as you drag him/her around the room, maintaining eye contact)

5.     Play catch! Roll a ball back and forth, bat a balloon back and forth

6.     M&M hockey (use bendy straws and blow M&Ms across the table, then the opponent feeds the person who scores a piece of candy)

7.     Play toys (follow your child’s lead, refrain from asking questions, use undivided attention)

A Child's Self-Talks Begins with You

Disney's new Christopher Robin was just released and I couldn't help but chuckle at this conversation exchange between Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin. It reminded me of what I have recently attempted to encourage parents to do with their own kids to develop self awareness and self concept.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

— Laurie Hollman

Children hear our voices in their minds. Our words and language have a powerful effect. Children absorb our words, tone of voice, gestures, and messages.

As inner speech (self-talk) develops, it is used as a tool for learning. Vygotskian theory emphasizes that in early childhood, languages merges with thoughts (cognitions) in a new way so that children can use private speech (self talk) as a tool for guiding, planning, and regulating their own thinking and behavior. Early on a child relies on adults' external verbal instruction to begin or stop actions. Later in development, children are able to use internal verbal signals to control actions.

Recently I have encouraged parents to use a form of parallel talk to help their children develop an awareness of what is occurring simultaneously in the environment and within the child. Once a child has an awareness of what is occurring, she or he can use the assisted self talk to guide, plan, and regulate his or her own behavior and emotions. Parallel Talk is a technique in which the adult describes what the child is doing or seeing. In play therapy we call this tracking. The therapist describes in a literal, non-interpretative way, what is happening in the playroom to communicate to the child the therapist's presence and attention, and to facilitate awareness. The therapist is putting words (language)  into a child's play experience to deepen understanding and processing.

Faber and Mazlish talk about 2 techniques to encourage cooperation in their book "How to Talk so Kids Listen and Listen so Kids Talk."

Describe what you see

1.  Describe what you see, or describe the problem. It’s hard to do what needs to be done when people are telling you what’s wrong with you. It’s easier to concentrate on the problem when some one just describes it to you.

"There's a wet towel on the bed."

"There is only one doll stroller and you both want the same one."

"There are lots of kids in here and it's loud."

"When you asked nicely for the toy, your brother gave it to you."

"You started helping your sister, and she had a big smile."

"Your fists are clenched and you feel like hitting something."

Give information

2.  Information is a lot easier to take than accusation. When children are given information, they can usually figure out for themselves what needs to be done.

“The towel is getting my blanket wet.”

"Your brother really feels frustrated when toys get taken away from him."

"The drink is starting to spill when walking fast."

"Your shoes are in the hallway. Your dad really appreciates when they are put away."

"The bubble wrap or egg carton (for tearing up) is in the pantry."
 

---

“Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. ”

How we react to children's' emotions in situations is important. Our children are highly attuned to a parent's emotions. A thermostat keeps the temperature of a room at a constant temperature. The thermometer rises and falls with the temperature. The more calm and compassionate we are in reacting to our children, the more resilient they become in handling their own emotions. Perfectly attuned parents do not exist, though. A child development expert and Associate Professor of Pediatrics at Harvard University found that even the "best" parents are only attuned to their children 30 percent of the time. We can't expect to be perfectly in sync with our children at every moment, but we can recognize our current state, and remind ourselves that every reaction we express is absorbed by our children, shaping their self talk and their view of the world and of themselves. The more attuned we are to ourselves, the better able we are to react sensitively to our children. Perfection is impossible. Reflection helps us do better as parents.

Provide Encouragement

Encouragement invites self-evaluation and facilitates positive self talk. 

“Encourage the deed, not the doer.”

— Rudolf Dreikurs

Instead of praising the person or a quality or a product, encourage the effort. Instead of "You got an A. I am so proud of you," try "Congratulations! You worked hard. You deserve it." Praise is not encouraging because it teachers children to rely on approval. They learn to depend on others to evaluate their worth. 

Other examples of encouragement:

"You put lots of thought and detail into that!"

"You gave it your best effort. How do you feel about what you did?"

"I appreciate you listening and cooperating."

"That was the first time you've jump roped without stumbling."

The self talk a child begins to develop from encouragement may sound like this:

"I can be responsible!"

"I am proud of what I did!"

"I can do that!"

"It feels good to not give up!"

"I can do lots of things if I work hard."

Parents as Soothing Agents

“When our little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it is our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”

— L.R. Knost

Parents and caregivers are critically important in helping children regulate their emotional states. Often, however, it is the very tantrums and meltdowns that spike parents' own anxiety reactions, leaving them unable to respond effectively as soothing agents. You might find yourself attempting to calm your child down through persuasion, coaxing, arguing them out of the anxiety, or rescuing them from the emotion. What if parents stopped trying to change behavior, and changed how they thought about parenting? Parents have the power to adjust their own thoughts and feelings about the struggles of parenting and about what a child's behavior is trying to communicate.

Dr. Dan Siegel proposes "Connection before correction." Parents need to first listen to the child, acknowledge her feelings, and offer guidance. The acronym SOOTHE (developed by Goodyear-Brown, Ashford, and van Eys) helps parents remember strategies to responding to emotional symptoms.

S = soft tone of voice, soft tone of face

0 = organize the child's experience

O = offer choices or a way out

T = touch or physical proximity

H = hear what the child is needing

E = end and let go

Elevation of a parent's voice will only feed the escalation of a child's tantrum. "If parents can choose to lower their voices, use a soothing tone, and remain calm, they will be anchoring the child's experience beneath the current level of escalation." (Paris Good-Year Brown in Play Therapy with Traumatized Children).

A lack of structure intensifies anxiety and dysregulation. Consistent schedules and soothing routines help to organize your child. Offering a narrow range of choices to a child helps to manage the emotion that arises during a decision making process, as well as provide a positive sense of control. A simple touch or physical proximity is meant to reaffirm children and keep the parent child relationship intact. Hearing what your child is communicating is discerning what the child's need is. This discernment will guide your response. Does your child's behavior communicate a need for attention? power? to feel adequate? rest? a snack? Lastly, Dan Siegel (2003) talks about the toxic ruptures that can occur between parents and children when upset occurs but it is never processed. Parents need to acknowledge their right to their own feelings of anger and exhaustion, but also let go of it, and remain responsive to their child after the meltdown has occurred.

Once connection is built, parents can move to the next step and discuss the issue. Helpful questions that encourage connection are: "What happened? How did this anger feel inside your body? How did this feeling make you react? What would be another choice for next time you feel sad?"

If you are interested in more helpful tips, we recommend "The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. "Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting" by Laura Markham)

Play Therapy Poster Gallery

Kelly Martin, child counselor and play therapist of the Playroom Lubbock, along with Deborah Faith Photography created a sense of what a child experiences in a play therapy or activity play therapy session. You are invited to click and browse through our play therapy posters and learn why and how play therapy matters and is effective. (Children used in photos are not actual clients. The playroom is our actual play therapy playroom).

Child Centered Group Play Therapy

In Child Centered Group Play Therapy, a child learns not only about other children, but also about themselves. Children learn to evaluate themselves in light of peer feedback. CCGPT provides the opportunity for children to build self-concept, self-control, social skills, and awareness of feelings.

“In the process of interacting, children help one another assume responsibility in interpersonal relationships.”

— Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship, Garry Landreth, 2002

“Limit setting and reality testing occur as the group serves as a tangible microcosm of society.”

— Handbook of Group Play Therapy by Sweeney and Homeyer, 1999

Pro Tip:

The dynamics of the interaction increase substantially in group play therapy. Everything is potentially intensified. "Children stimulate each other, challenge each other, and activities requiring limit setting are exacerbated. Unique skills and training are required to be effective in group play therapy" (Play Therapy: Art of the Relationship, Landreth). Individual rather than group child centered play therapy would be most appropriate for children who are extremely aggressive, experiencing difficulty due to attachment issues, or sexually acting-out.

Child Centered Activity Play Therapy Room for Teens/Tweens

Child-centered activity play therapy (CCAPT) can be an effective intervention for pre adolescents, because the child-directed nature of the sessions "provides an opportunity for the child to explore his or her growing sense of self in a safe, accepting environment, free from the pressures and constraints of adult expectations: a situation that is certain to be unique for the unpredictably emotional preadolescent." ( Therapist's Guide to Child Development: The Extraordinarily Normal Years, Edited by Dee C. Ray, 2016). CCAPT allows for the development of self-direction, facilitates the growth of an internal locos of control, and opportunities to gain a sense of competence.

Parent Tip:

Parents, you can allow your child to pick a craft or an activity to do together, and practice using reflective listening while engaging in the activity with the child. Going on special outings can also be beneficial.

“Craft Activities can foster the child’s feelings of competence, while active listening from a parent can help the parent to understand the child better and the child to feel understood.”

— A Therapist's Guide to Child Development by Dee C. Ray

Reflective listening can facilitate the child being open with the parent about difficulties at school or with friends. The acronym DEAR is a helpful way to remember the components of reflective listening to your child. Kathleen Scott shares how to connect with your child using reflective listening. (GoodTherapy.Org, September 8, 2015).

Detect: Our role as parents naturally consists of advising and telling our children based on our own judgements. Instead, try observing your child's demeanor, behaviors, tone, and words. By practicing detection, you are likely to discover what is underlying the emotions.

Empathize: Try to empathize with your child's feelings without making it about you. What is their perspective? Connect with your child's feelings. "Wow, Jayden. You seem really angry." "I can see your frustration."

Ask: Ask questions out of compassion. Keep the conversation focused on your child's emotions and story before moving forward to addressing the undesirable behavior or a solution. Paraphrase what you hear. Questions should come from a place of wanting more information. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Reflect: Summarizing what you hear from your child can help dampen the powerful feelings. Your child will have the opportunity to step back and reevaluate their statements and feelings. You are teaching your child to regulate emotions through conversation and process feelings. "What I am hearing is that you're hurt because you were made fun of." "What a terrible end to your school day. It sounds like you've been hurt by  people you thought were your friends."

Pro Tip:

No matter the age, there is value in play and creative expression for treating emotional or behavioral challenges. Conventional play therapy may seem juvenile to preadolescents and adolescents so a setting and activities consistent with the developmental needs of preteens is essential. Click here to learn more about Child Centered Activity Play Therapy.

Should my child see a therapist

It can be difficult to know when you and your child can work through obstacles and stressors together and when they might need the help of an expert. Significant life events can contribute to problems with behavior, mood, sleep, appetite, and overall functioning. Other times, what has caused a child to suddenly withdraw, worry, stress, or act out is not as clear. The brain was designed to interact so eloquently with the nervous system and the body. We can listen to behavior, somatic symptoms, and emotional responses as communication. Pay close attention to play, mood, and verbal or written statements for a glimpse into your child's internal world. Here are some indications (not a complete list) that that your child may benefit from therapy:

1. He's having difficulties at home, in school, or beyond. 

2. She's suddenly isolation herself from friends or activities. Be on the look out for statements such as "Everyone hates me" or "I'm a loser."

3. They’re regressing. When there are major changes in a child's environment, structure, or schedule, kids tend to regress to a previous developmental stage. Bedwetting, clingy behavior, whining, excessive fearfulness, and tantrums may signal a problem if they develop again and persist for more than a month.

4. She's incredibly sad, worried, or withdrawn. If the worry and sadness is interfering with daily function and routine, it may be out of the scope of normal feelings.

5. His sleep habits and/or appetite has changed. Symptoms such as stomach aches, trouble falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, nightmares, excessive headaches, or eating too much or too little may be indication of stress or anxiety.

6. They’ve developed self-destructive behaviors or impulse control is decreasing.

7. He talks about death or thinks about it repeatedly. Children typically develop questions or fears about death around ages 4 and 7. If a discussion about their curiosity or concern does not suffice, and questions and worries persist, talking with a mental health professional may be beneficial.

8. You notice signs of alcohol, drug, or other substance use. They’re engaging in more risky behaviors.

“Your body is a powerful intuitive communicator. Intuition allows you to get the first warning signs when anything is off in your body so that you can address it. If you have a gut feeling about your body-listen to it.”

— Judith Orloff, PhD, author of Second Sight

Just as your child's body and behavior are communicating a need, your parent intuition may kick in prompting you to make a call to a mental health professional. It's also helpful to speak to caregivers and teachers who interact regularly with your child. Discuss your concerns with your child's pediatrician, who can rule out any medical conditions that could be having an effect.

How to Handle Sibling Fighting

Help your children live together so you can live too with these simple strategies to handling sibling fighting by Faber and Mazlish's book  SIblings Without Rivalry.

Level One: Normal Bickering

1. Ignore it.

2. Tell yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution.

Level II: Situation Heating Up. Adult Intervention Might Be Helpful.

1. Acknowledge their anger. "You two are really mad at each other!"

2. Reflect each child's point of view.

3. Describe the problem with respect.

4. Express confidence in the children's ability to find their own solution.

5. Leave the room.

Level III: Situation Possibly Dangerous

1. Inquire "Is this a play fight or a real fight?"

2. Let the children know "Play fighting by mutual consent only."

3. Respect your feelings. "You may be play fighting but it's too rough for me. Find another activity."

Level IV: Situation Definitely Dangerous. Adult Intervention Necessary

1. Describe what you see. "I see two very angry children who are about to hurt each other."

2. Separate the children.

When In Doubt, Connect

A few words on what to do when you don't know what to do. The following blog post is suitable for anyone who has a relationship in any capacity with someone else. I hope that keeps it broad enough. In my practice I facilitate strengthening the parent/caregiver/child relationship. However, the following same principles apply to romantic relationships, friendships, teacher/student interactions, workplace relationships, etc...

It's not often that I quote myself, but when I do, it's because I struck a chord I needed to hear myself. In parenting or in other relationships we may find ourselves at a loss, confused, desperate, hopeless, discouraged, or hurt. It's in those times that we should respond with love and connection.

How do goals of behavior affect our responses?

I  frequently talk with parents about a child's goals for misbehavior--that behavior is goal directed and children are trying to fulfill a need. Adults do the same thing except our misbehavior looks differently, but is rooted in the same needs.

In our relationships and interactions with others, we automatically assign a story to our beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about our situations. These beliefs will trigger emotions which trigger a reaction. This reaction is trying to fulfill a need.

When we are are feeling discouraged, challenged, hurt, confused, or hopeless in our relationships, it would serve us well to reflect on what might be the other person's goal and what might be our goal.

Power/Control, Inadequacy/Fear of Failure, Revenge, Attention

1. Goal: power and control. The belief behind power/control is: I belong or I am valued when I am in control or proving no one can boss me. 

2. Goal: avoid inadequacy. The belief behind inadequacy/fear of Failure is: I don't believe I can belong so I'll convince others not to expect anything from me. I am helpless and unable. It's no use trying because I won't do it right. OR I will do everything I can to avoid being perceived as inadequate.

3. Goal: hurt, get even. The belief behind revenge is:  I'll hurt others as I feel hurt. I can't be liked or loved.

4. Goal: attention. The belief behind attention is: I am valued only when I am being noticed. I'm only important when I'm keeping you busy with me.

What's the best response?

To change a negative attitude you're holding about an individual, you'll need to uncover the underlying belief or goal that's creating your unhappy feelings. Begin by asking whether you believe people, in general, are doing the best they can. Researcher Brene Brown has discovered that believing that you and others are doing the best you can requires compassion. "You may not be absolutely sure about the intention behind someone's behavior, including your own. But being compassionate is about cultivating the attitude that normally people do their best with the tools they have. Compassion allows us to believe that we can all learn from our mistakes, enabling us to grow and change." (ThePropelPrinciples.com)

What's the most generous possible interpretation of the intentions words, and actions of others? (Brene Brown)

Equally, what's the most generous possible interpretation of our own actions? 

1. Identify goals of behavior with the most generous possible interpretation.

2. Evaluate whether your reaction is responding to their need/goal AND whether your reaction is self serving your goals of behavior. Are you reacting out of your own sense of inadequacy, need for control, from feeling hurt, or to be recognized?

When in doubt, do something that connects or communicates love.

When we feel at a loss for an appropriate response or don't have the time or emotional energy to calculate goals or beliefs, respond in a way that connects, preserves a relationship, or communicates love. (Remember, another person's response to your extension of connection does not determine your adequacy or value).

Offering connection or love does not imply permissiveness nor does it allow someone to take advantage of or walk all over you. Brene Brown recommends Living BIG: Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity. "Setting boundaries means getting clear on what behaviors are okay and what's not okay. Integrity is the key to this commitment because it's how we set those boundaries and ultimately hold ourselves and others accountable for respecting them." (Brene Brown, Rising Strong).

How Do We Start the Play Therapy/Counseling Process? What parents can expect

When parents begin to notice a child's functioning or well being is being affected by a life circumstance or behavior, speaking to a mental health professional is an appropriate first step. At the Playroom Lubbock we do not require a pediatrician referral. You can simply call our office to ask questions, tell us a little bit about your concerns, and book your first appointment. In fact, when you call inquiring about play therapy/teen activity therapy you will speak directly to Kelly Martin, LPC. Once you book your appointment, Kelly will send via email the necessary consent forms and intake paperwork through a secure client portal. Unless you have custody papers or prior assessment evaluation reports, you do not need to bring any other paperwork to the first session. 

  The first session 

The first session is a parent only session with our children's counselor and play therapist, Kelly Martin. There are several topics that will be discussed during this 45 minute session: 

1. Kelly's practice policies and privacy policies
2. Stages of play therapy
3. Background history of the child
4. Goals the parents have for both the child and for themselves  
5. A treatment plan for therapy

Warm and inviting office for parent sessions. 

The fourth session 

Prior to the 4th session, Kelly will send a parent report form for the parent to complete. This gives them the opportunity to record changes, rate progress, and jot down questions or concerns. Every 4th session Kelly and the parents/guardians come back together for a session to discuss progress, changes, review goals, and to provide support to keep the therapy process moving forward. We continue this cycle of 3 child therapy sessions followed by a parent session. 

 Value of the parent

Parents and guardians are also an agent of change in the therapy process. Parents know their children best and their insight, perspective, and observations are valued and helpful to the counselor in her work with their child.